the biggest lie

Some mornings, I wake up at 7:00, make two cups of coffee, and stroll to work/class as I savor the aroma of the most decadent liquid on earth- and suddenly I feel like I have my whole life together. I could conquer the world with 16 ounces of caffeinated liquid flowing through my body.

Some days I even put on clothes that aren't wrinkled.
Some days I brush my hair twice.
Some days I even sit on my porch and enjoy the crisp (...usually hot) Milledgeville air.

But most days, I don't.

Most days, I roll out of bed 12 minutes before class starts, I still manage to make coffee, but there is no savoring the source of my energy, because I just don't have time.
I don't have time to iron my clothes and I don't have time to sit on my front porch and read.
It seems like I really don't have time for anything these days. 

...or is that just the biggest lie I tell myself?
I know it is.

Those four words make up the most common phrase I use. Admittedly that phrase becomes a common theme in my life.

Its so easy to compare yourself to the people around you. Multiple times a day I look at the people around me and think "How do they have time for all of those activities?!" And then reality slaps me in the face and reminds me that every person on the planet has the same amount of time in a day. How you spend your time is whats really important.

Recently I have been learning how spend and manage my time more efficiently- and it isn't easy. This society we dwell in forces us to feel the need to be busy all the time. We live in a fast paced world and I often get caught up in the hustle & bustle of life. I feel overwhelmed by my time commitments- school, work, ministry, friends- the list goes on. And I know that I can't create time- but lately, I've been learning to make time. Making time for friends, making time for Jesus, making time for ministry. Spending my time more intentionally and less selfishly.

The truth is, I do have time for a lot of things. 168 hours fill my week, buy why do I allow myself to be suffocated by the phrase "I don't have time."  As much as I  wish I could add more hours to my days, weeks and months, I can't. I have a decision to make every morning when I wake up- a decision about how I will spend my day.

How I spend my time is a conscious decision- when will I stop letting my lack of time be an excuse?

More Time- NEEDTOBREATHE

Found

As a high school girl who struggled to feel adequate in the eyes of others, I filled emptiness with alcohol and loneliness with affection from boys. I was always a "good girl"-never partied too hard and got decent grades, but I still struggled with the desires of this word. I felt like I was always searching for something deeper than the surface level friendships and relationships that were forming throughout my high school years. I was introduced to the ministry of Young Life my freshman year of high school, and the first YL meeting (or "club" as we call it) I ever attended was my first week of school. I was the new kid at the local public high school and my older sister suggested (forced) me to attend club. I hesitantly went, not knowing the impact it would have on the next 7+ years of my life.

If you are not familiar with Young Life, let me attempt to explain it to you with a little help from the YL website. To put it in simple terms, Young Life's vision and mission is to introduce adolescents to Jesus Christ and help them grow in their faith- but what Christ showed me through my leaders was immeasurably more than this. To me, YL club was about a lot more than the silly games and loud singing on Monday nights. It was more about the relationships I had formed with my Young Life leaders. Whether I knew it or not, my leaders were always walking next to me, one hand in mine and the other in Christ's. I saw my leaders everywhere. (literally everywhere). They met me where I was. They showed up at lunch and sat next to me in the cafeteria. They were there at the football games on Friday nights, and in the stands during my swim meets cheering me on. Besides my family, they were my biggest fans, and I believe they still are.

I could sit here and tell you that I ultimately found Christ while sitting on a rock next to the creek at Windy Gap on the second-to-last night of camp, while staring at the stars- but that would be a lie. Though that is when I technically proclaimed my love for Jesus, it became evident that I had seen Him in more places than just in those stars. I found Christ in my Young Life leader and now best friend Allison who unceasingly pursued me during my darkest days in high school, teaching me that God is a fun God (but not a soft God. Am I right, Allison?!) I found Christ in Ken and Janet Webb, who opened up their back porch to high school kids every Sunday night, teaching about God's grace and immeasurable love that He has for us. I found Him in my sister Caitlin, who never gave up pursuing me even when she was leading her own group of high school girls as a YL leader in college. I found Him on weekend trips to Sharptop Cove where my heart was softened to the idea of vulnerability during cabin time with my peers and leaders. And yes- I found Him there next to the creek at Windy Gap, as I tearfully surrendered my burdens to Christ because I just didn't want to walk through this life alone any longer.

More recently, I've found Him in the heart of the Rockies last summer at Frontier Ranch- a YL camp where I got to experience what walking with Christ every single day looked like. I found Christ again after my freshman year of college when He met me right where I was- when I let Him take my future and stepped back as He changed my direction.

As I begin my second year as a YL leader, I continue to find Christ through the ministry of Young Life. I find him in the seven people I am grateful to be on a team with, and I especially see Him in the 40+ people who make up our Young Life community in my area. I see Him in our area director Phil and our committee members who have been so good to us this past month. Two years later, I still find Him in my high school YL leaders as I run to them for advice and wisdom on leading high schoolers.

I love the ministry of Young Life because of the incredible role that it has played in the past seven years of my life. Without this ministry and the people who apart of it, I could not tell you where I would be with my faith, with my relationships, or with my life. I love what role this ministry plays in my life today, too, as I get to hang out with high school girls who are a whole lot cooler than I am.

But honesty, I love Jesus more than I love Young Life.  And I think that I am okay with that. Because Jesus paid it all. Jesus took my burdens, my anxiety and my emptiness. Because Jesus worked through my Young Life leaders and he is working through me as a Young Life leader right now. Because without Jesus, this ministry wouldn't even exist. Because if we don't love Jesus first, how can we love others well?
I keep finding Christ in Young Life, and as long as this ministry is alive, I know I will continue to see him in every aspect of this wonderful mission. I know Jesus rejoices in this ministry- and my hope is that we are humbly honoring Him well here on earth through Young Life.
The past 7 years YL has played a huge role in my life. I wouldn't change it for anything.
But this does not mean I find my identity in Young Life- because our identity is not found within a label, a ministry, a mission or a title- It is only found in Christ alone.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.