eucharisteo

Thanksgiving is just a few sleeps away, and it is finally my favorite time of the year. It is deep into autumn and just chilly enough here in the South to put on my warm boots and pretty scarves. 52 weeks in a year- but this one is my favorite. I love this week- the last week of November- because two seasons are colliding in one glorious week. The leaves are crunchy and the air is refreshing, but Fall is fading fast into the busy Christmas season. String lights are being hung on the light posts downtown, our stockings are dangling off the mantle in our apartment, and I just brought Christmas-y candles home from the store. There is something special about these two seasons when they collide- and it makes this week feel like the calm before the storm. (this storm is unfortunately the craziness that  precedes December 25).

As Thanksgiving is almost here, I have been thinking about what I am thankful for and what it truly means to be thankful. This summer I read one of Ann Voskamp's books, One Thousand Gifts, where she describes what life can be like when we embrace daily thanks-giving, or eucharisteo. The Greek word eucharisteo is another word that means giving thanks, and one that she used frequently in her book to describe a full, thanks-giving life. I started to learn more about eucharisteo through her book and I realized how there was room in my life for a lot more eucharisteo.

There was plenty of room for it.

Because I want to live my life without complaints pouring from my mouth. I want to be thankful for the little things, thankful for the big things and everything in between. I want to be thankful for bad days, good days, days without sunshine and days with tears. I'll be the first to admit that complaining is easy. But I don't want complaints any longer. I want to fully embrace thanksgiving, not just this week, not just on Thursday, but every day.This weekend I had the opportunity to reflect more about eucharisteo and what it has looked like in my life since this summer. I am a work in progress. I always will be, because there will always be more room for eucharisteo in my life. But I have grown to see that eucharisteo leads to a full life. 

I want my thanks to Him to overflow from my heart first and my mouth second.
I want to be full of thanks, all the time.
I want eucharisteo, all the time.

I am thankful for weekends where commitment doesn't exist, but my sweatpants and my couch do.
I am thankful for good friends who see me at my worst but love me anyway.
I am thankful for crunchy leaves, long walks and pancakes.
I am thankful for a Lord who is abundantly good, all the time.

-Ellie 

"The real problem of life is never a lack of time. The real problem of life - in my life - is lack of thanksgiving. Thanksgiving creates abundance; and he miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks - ...it's giving thanks to God for this moment that multiplies the moments, time made enough. I am thank-full. I am time-full." -ann voskamp, one thousand gifts

freedom

It has been a hard semester. There. I said it- Finally.

Earlier in the semester, I was finding myself simply going through the motions of life, and honestly- it was awful. I felt drained emotionally and there was a time when I prayed for tears because they just wouldn't come. I couldn't even write, because there just weren't any words. There were days I felt like a robot, days without intentional conversations and days that lacked joyful occasions. I was angry, confused, doubtful, sad and bitter. I felt numb, and I hated it. Hate is a strong word, but I really hated it. I didn't feel like myself, and I did not feel okay.

The words above are hard for me to write about and even harder for me to utter out loud. Nobody likes to admit that they are not okay. There are times where bad days turn into bad weeks which can turn into bad seasons of life; and I've been learning recently that  it is okay to admit that you are not okay. 
You see, I think "okay" is relative. It looks and feels a little different to everyone. But I think that it is easy to not feel okay (unfortunately), and even easier to mask those feelings. Life is messy. But this is not a pity party-I promise this is not an excuse to mope and complain. It is raw and true and how I've felt- any maybe, how you have been feeling, too.

The good news is that I do promise there is freedom in admitting to not being okay. I really dislike owning up to fact that I am not okay- that things are not going well in my life and within my soul  because I don't want to seem negative. I don't want to complain or dump my problems on my friends.

But I have found that there is FREEDOM in being honest- with myself, with the people I surround myself with- and most importantly with Jesus. We are called to carry each others burdens and set our burdens down at the feet of Jesus, and I am guilty of neglecting this. I have just recently started opening up to my friends about how I have been feeling and there is freedom in tough conversations that examine our feelings and emotions. I have started journaling again and fervently praying for restoration of my emotions- and there is freedom in bringing these pleas to Jesus.

The the past few weeks I have been actively rising above this funk- and I know that there will be more "not okays" in my lifetime, but I fully trust and believe that there is freedom in this, and that hopefully "great" and "more than okay" will follow the "not okays." Struggles and sufferings are going to make appearances in our lives. But joy and celebration will conquer these feelings every single time, because there is freedom in Christ.

So this is my declaration of freedom-
That I will pray to be more authentic; more honest and more raw.
That I will pray more and complain less.
That I will admit when I am not okay, be grateful when I am, and rejoice in the freedom that I find in Christ either way.

It might be a bad day or a bad week, but it is not a bad life!

 I'll rejoice in that.