I'm at a crossroads. Somewhere between the excitement of the future and wishing life had a backspace button; perched cozily at the start of my last year of college.
My. Last. Year...What?!
It's been three years since my first week of college, but I remember that week clearly- I was scared, excited and nervous about leaving the comfortable life I had at home. I wish I could go back to my dorm room and hold that girl in my arms and tell her not to be afraid.
There is so much I would say to her; to freshman year Ellie.
I would tell my homesick self that mom and dad are a phone call away, that I didn't have to be a hero by trying not to call them. I would tell my lonely self that it gets better, that the girls I met that week would become my best friends. I would tell myself that the 'freshman 15' is a real thing, but to eat that slice of pizza at 1 a.m. anyway, well, because college. I would tell my terrified self that transferring after freshman year isn't the end of the world, that starting over will be hard- but you'll get through just fine.
I would tell her that the next four years would be the best years yet.
I would tell her that college will become home and these friends would become family.
I would tell her not to take life too seriously, to soak it in, that these years will fly by.
I would tell her to read more books, drink more coffee, love others recklessly, journal more.
I would tell her to cherish conversations, roommates and late nights and dance parties.
I would tell her to laugh more and worry less; to live abundantly.
I would tell her that the next few years would be full of growth, change and unexpected plot twists. I would tell her that it would involve heartbreak and confusion and it wouldn't be easy.
But I would remind her that she is strong and brave and can do hard things.
I would tell her that life is messy but it gets better.
I would remind her not to worry about things she can't control.
I would tell her to lean on others and become dependent on the Lord.
I would tell her that that God is good, always.
I remember that first week of college vividly. But I blinked, and now I'm starting my senior year on Monday. I'm not too sure where the time went, but it sure went fast, and now I'm just here searching for a pause button.
If you find one, let me know.
Regardless, I'm reminding myself to hold on tightly to these moments, knowing that in a year from now I will long for the security of this place, this town and these people.The most common question I am asked these days sounds like "What are your plans after graduation" to which I timidly respond "I'm not sure." Maybe one day I'll seriously consider that question, and I'll start a resumé and wear things besides t-shirts.
But today, I'll spend too much time with my friends and probably forget to do homework and drink too many Cookout milkshakes. Because I'm in college, and I can.
Breathe, soak it in. One more year.
"But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our life are not behind us. They're part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or didn't live in New York." -Marina Keegan, The Opposite of Loneliness
