queen of nostalgia

Sometimes I think that I am the queen of nostalgia. If I wrote a song, that would be the title. Lucky for you,  I haven't cut a record deal...yet. But seriously, I love memories. And I feel homesick for places that I have and haven't visited. My heart aches for past experiences and I long for new adventures. The dictionary defines this feeling as [nostalgia]: wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition. Though I admit to yearning for the goodness of past experiences, I don't think that I am necessarily living in the past; but mostly appreciating the good times and awesome things I have experienced in my 20.5 years of life.

One of my favorite things to do is look through old letters, journals, pictures and other tangible memories that I keep in a rectangle box under my bed. I resist the urge to look through this box often, so I usually just add to it as time goes on- slipping in any notes or objects that might spark a future smile during a gloomy season of life. 

I only look through this box a few times a year. The rest of the time it is safely tucked between a printer I don't use, and some winter clothes in a bin. And yes, if my apartment was burning down and I could only grab one thing, it would be this box. (my laptop would be next, then probably my Chacos). Today was one of those rare days where I pulled out the dusty box.

 As I sift through the pile of envelopes and pictures scattered across my bed, a smile creeps across my face. I smile because I have letters from the most precious people in my life, and these notes never cease to remind me how deeply loved I am. I smile in a giddy way about the 4x6 sheets of Kodak paper that mix in with the letters; like the one that captured my family photoshoot circa1995 (where my entire family is in jean outfits, thanks mom); and the one that froze the image from edge of the pool deck at Frontier Ranch- my favorite view on this planet. I smile because the thick, worn journals remind me of struggles, joyful times and answered prayers.

Today I opened my first journal from one year ago, June 2012. Though I wish I had started journaling lonnnng before this, I am thankful that I have this year recorded on paper. And what a year it was! As I flip the pages between my fingers, I am amazed. Not at my own writing, doodles, or rambling, but mostly because of the growth I have seen in myself within those lined pages.

I flipped to the entry on June 26, 2012, one whole year ago. I was sitting on the bench of a picnic table outside the snack bar at Frontier Ranch one chilly morning before breakfast. I was experiencing the best month of my life while facing the reality of what would turn out to be one of the most trying seasons of my life- transferring schools. I was studying 1 Peter that day, specifically 1 Peter 1:14-15 "As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." That day I prayed hard for strength for the upcoming year. I prayed for obedience and a non-conforming mind and body. Thank God for answered prayers!

I am grateful to have this past year on paper. If you don't journal, I would encourage you to try it. There doesn't have to be any structure to it at all; just write. Write about your day, write about your dog, write down your prayers. You won't be mad in one year when you pick up your first journal and you see on paper how much you have grown. So go buy yourself a cute journal from barnes & noble and find a porch to sit on... and write.